the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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