Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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