So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
