All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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