I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Randomize
