I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
