never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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