note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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