the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
