Me too!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
