are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Randomize
