Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
