I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
