On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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