I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
