This girl is more easily done than said...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
