When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
