new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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