can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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