Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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