Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
