sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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