Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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