I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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