I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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