after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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