thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
