I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
