Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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