No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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