Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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