You're completely useless in the revolution.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
