You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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