and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
