Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
