I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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