Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
