babies were throwing up all over the place
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
