Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
