My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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