it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
