what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
