So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
