I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
