I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
