oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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