And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
