i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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