they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Randomize
