Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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