3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Damn victory sex feels great
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