it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So many bounce houses so little time
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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