So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
