i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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